|How to Kill the Green-eyed
Nothing can ruin a relationship or
marriage faster than jealously. Jealousy creates anxiety, anger,
loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous.
Having a relationship with a jealous
person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy.
Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.
No one wants a jealous mate and no one
likes being jealous. So what causes jealousy?
"Jealousy is the largest factor in
breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of
the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This
person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to
try to uncover them." — L.
When you are jealous, a line of
communication is going on with your spouse or lover that is hidden from
you. The mystery causes the pain. If you witnessed your spouse’s
communication line, so it was not hidden from you, you would not feel
Hidden communication lines or mysteries
make you think of questions. "Will she find someone she likes
better than me?" "Is he having an affair?" "Is she
going to leave me?" "Does he think I’m unattractive?"
When you are jealous, the mystery makes
you assume the worst. "Maybe he’ll fall in love with his cute
receptionist and leave me." "She’s going to lunch with her
old boyfriend because she’s still attracted to him." "He’ll
come home and tell me he wants a divorce."
So how do you handle your feelings of
jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is
"Communication is the root of
marital success from which a strong union can grow, and
non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel*." — L. Ron Hubbard (*Keel:
The main structural part of a ship that goes from bow to stern—front
If you are jealous, you need to
communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions.
Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.
Bob says to his wife, "I don’t
want to feel this jealously. I want to get rid of it by asking you a
question, okay? Good. So are you attracted to Joe?"
His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just
wanted some help with his son. I love YOU like crazy!"
Bang! The hidden communication is
revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob feels much better.
If Bob doesn’t communicate, his wife’s
communication with Joe makes Bob jealous, afraid and angry. Their
If your mate is jealous, make sure you
have no hidden lines of communication. "Would you like to read this
letter from Jill?" "Can you meet with Joe to help with his
Use communication to resolve the problem.
For example, you notice Marcia is acting upset and not talking. You ask
yourself, "What communication line might be hidden from
Marcia?" You realize she’s been acting annoyed ever since you
started working for an attractive female boss.
"Marcia, have I told you about my
new boss?" Marcia jumps up and now wants to talk. You communicate
the facts and remove the mystery. Marcia is cheerful and wants to go to
As well as using communication to resolve
mysteries, communicate your feelings for your spouse or
boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him or her how you feel. Express your love.
Show your affection.
Resolve the mysteries of the past.
Discuss your feelings in the present. Make plans for the future. Because
of communication, your relationship will be a big success.
L. Ron Hubbard also writes, "Jealousy
comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person. . . ."
Mr. Hubbard’s discoveries on insecurity are outlined in his book, Dianetics:
The Modern Science of Mental Health, available in our bookstore.