Is Love All You Need?
The Secret to a Joyful Marriage and Family
Have you ever been in a bad relationship? If so, you know how upsetting it can feel. It distracts your focus, wastes your energy and slows your success.
When you’re in love, it’s the opposite. You smile and laugh easily. You are full of energy.
So why does the spark goes out? How can you get it back?
Bad Solutions
Maybe you go to a marriage counselor who recommends a romantic trip. So you take a weekend getaway, and for a few days, you are back in love. You think, “Maybe all we need is love!” But once you return to your daily routine, the spark dies away. “That didn’t fix anything,” you think.
Maybe you start drinking wine with dinner. Maybe it helps—for an hour. But you know the joy is fake. You tell yourself, “I don’t want to depend on alcohol to feel happy in my own marriage.”
Maybe you decide to endure it. “My parents were always fighting. Maybe this is just how marriage works.” You settle for tension, loneliness and sadness.
Or maybe you end it. You get divorced, find someone new and everything is great again. But of course, the new relationship eventually crumbles. “Maybe I’m just not cut out for marriage,” you think. “Maybe I’d be happier alone.”
Why Do Relationships Fail?
Most people have the wrong idea about marriage and family. They think you can just start one, like buying a movie ticket, and then sit back and enjoy the show.
However, the truth is this: families and marriages are fragile. They don’t run on their own.
“It’s very easy to break down a family because there is no relationship in a family except a pretended relationship.”
“The relationship, basically, is a postulated* relationship.”
“And when people stop postulating it, it ceases to exist.” – L. Ron Hubbard (* Postulated: Something you create or decide is true.)
Just like a garden needs daily care—pulling weeds, watering, planting new flowers—a marriage must be actively created, over and over. If you stop creating your relationship, it withers and dies.
Three Examples
1. Honeymoon is Over
Ashley and Marcus returned from their honeymoon glowing. But because the wedding was over and the excitement faded, they stopped doing the things that brought them close. No more date nights. No more goofy texts. No more thoughtful gestures. After three months, they both lost interest. Neither realized the problem wasn’t the relationship—it was the lack of creation.
2. Empty Nest, Empty Marriage
Karen and James were the ultimate parenting team. Soccer practices, birthday parties, homework—everything was about the kids. But when the last child left to take on the world, they realized they had nothing in common. They had spent 20 years creating a family, but not a marriage. Within a year, they were divorced.
3. The Serial Dater
Chloe had been in five relationships in three years. Each time, she fell fast and hard—then slowly grew disappointed. “Why don’t they treat me like they did in the beginning?” she’d ask. But Chloe never created the relationship after the first spark. She expected the men to do the work to keep her happy. And when they stopped, so did the love.
Your Relationship Must Be Constantly Created
If you and your spouse are both actively creating your marriage, the love stays strong. If you both postulate your family into existence each day, with shared purposes and projects, nothing can ruin it.
The power of this important fact about relationships blows apart stupid statements like these.
“He seduced my wife and ruined my marriage”
might really mean:
“I ignored my marriage for two years, so she found someone who wants to create one with her.”
“He’s a pig. He ignores me and drinks beer all night”
might really mean:
“Neither of us even tried to create a happy marriage.”
“I hate going home. My wife complains and the kids scream”
might really mean:
“I did nothing to make a joyful family, and now I don’t want to face the mess.”
12 Ideas to Create Your Marriage and Family
The most powerful way to improve your marriage or family is to simply decide to postulate it into existence. Decide to constantly create it, every day.
Based on that decision, you think of great ways to create your relationships.
- Get your spouse, kids or parents to laugh at least three times a day.
- Choose shared goals to work on as a team.
- Notice and praise each other’s wins—big or small.
- Stay clean and fresh—body, breath, and clothes.
- Give small, thoughtful gifts or surprises.
- Call or text at least once daily when apart.
- Do unexpected things to help one another.
- Face and solve problems together, not separately.
- Really listen, without interrupting.
- Plan and enjoy joyful activities as a team.
- Do a difficult task or a chore as a surprise.
- Discuss solutions to problems starting with small ones.
7 Benefits of Constantly Creating Your Marriage and Family
- Increased happiness: A loving relationship boosts your mood every day.
- Better health: Strong relationships reduce stress, lower blood pressure and boost immunity.
- Improved intimacy: When a relationship is created by both partners, physical closeness is more enjoyable.
- Greater work success: When you can communicate and trust a personal partner, you form better plans, improve your focus and feel more motivated.
- Faster recovery from losses: A safe, positive home helps you bounce back faster.
- Positive environment for children: Kids raised in a stable, happy home are more secure and successful.
- Teamwork: You and your spouse and family can accomplish more together than individually.
Eight Action Steps to Create a Marriage and Family
Take each of these Action Steps to earn and enjoy all of the joy and benefits available to you now, and for the rest of your life.