The Four Circles of Control

Your life makes more sense if you place every element into one of these four categories or circles:

  1. Things that you can control.
  2. Things you can influence.
  3. Things you cannot control.
  4. Things that control you.

You then boost your success by treating each element according to its circle.

  1. You take better control of the elements in Circle One.
  2. You increase your influence on the elements in Circle Two.
  3. You leave the elements in Circle Three fully uncontrolled.
  4. You happily allow control over you from good elements in Circle Four while denying control over you from any negative elements.

Circle One: Things That You Control

The more you control these things, the greater your success. Read “Control, Part One,” “Control, Part Two” and “Control, Part Three” to learn how to do this.

Show Circle One Examples

Circle One: 100 Elements You Control

  1. Goals and purposes
  2. Plans
  3. Passions
  4. Personal rules
  5. Level of professionalism
  6. Hobbies
  7. How kind you are to others
  8. Organizing and cleaning your spaces
  9. Honesty
  10. Ethics
  11. Emotions including anger, resentment, apathy, blame, enthusiasm and joy
  12. Fear, anxiety, worry and shyness
  13. Bad habits
  14. What you consider valuable
  15. Attention and focus
  16. How you behave around others
  17. Tasks
  18. Opinions and views
  19. Decisions
  20. Your trustworthiness
  21. Who you trust
  22. Persistence
  23. Emotional wounds and pain
  24. Who you forgive
  25. When you apologize
  26. Gratitude
  27. Working hard
  28. Study
  29. How you treat others
  30. Words you use
  31. Messages you send
  32. Physical exercise
  33. Where you live and go
  34. Who you like and dislike
  35. Decisions to react
  36. How you live your life
  37. Income
  38. Who you care about
  39. Your compassion and empathy
  40. Where you travel and vacation
  41. Career
  42. Education
  43. What you read
  44. Businesses you start
  45. Recommendations
  46. Purchase decisions
  47. Imagination
  48. Happiness
  49. Worries about the future
  50. Sleep habits
  51. Groups you join
  52. Emotions from past incidents
  53. Thoughts that linger
  54. Seeking revenge
  55. Attitudes
  56. Motivation
  57. Patience
  58. Loyalty
  59. Keeping your agreements
  60. Who you spend time with
  61. What you improve, what you ignore
  62. Focus or doing what you are doing when you are doing it
  63. Recognizing opportunities
  64. Your sanity
  65. Adapting to change
  66. Loving yourself
  67. Taking care of yourself
  68. Who you support
  69. Grudges you hold or release
  70. Your intentions
  71. Negative thoughts
  72. Dealing with your mistakes
  73. How you respond to being hurt
  74. How you handle disasters
  75. Your schedule
  76. Punctuality
  77. Life enjoyment
  78. How you invest your energy
  79. Financial decisions
  80. Responsibility
  81. Knowledge
  82. Research
  83. Confront
  84. Force
  85. Passion
  86. Family relations
  87. Sex
  88. Diet
  89. Rest and relaxation
  90. Hygiene
  91. Screen time
  92. Who and what you support
  93. Examples you set
  94. Following the law
  95. Property and possessions
  96. Competence
  97. Religious beliefs
  98. Who you marry
  99. Your day-to-day activities
  100. Your moods

Circle Two: Things That You Influence

You can influence, but not fully control the elements in this circle. For example, you cannot make people respect you, but you can earn their respect.

Once you recognize that you only influence these elements, you can stop wasting time trying to control them. You can relax and use strategies to just influence them. See “Control, Part Four.”

If any of these elements cause you stress, take control of your REACTIONS. These reactions or responses, such as anger, discomfort and upset, are in Circle One and can be controlled by you.

Show Circle Two Examples

Circle Two: Elements You Can Influence

  1. Your body’s functions
  2. Health
  3. Sleep
  4. Pain
  5. Personal disasters
  6. Other people’s thoughts, choices and opinions
  7. Other people’s actions, skills and mistakes
  8. Your personal reputation; what people think of you
  9. Your spouse and family members
  10. Neighbors, people you meet and acquaintances
  11. Enemies and the damage they cause
  12. How much others put into your relationships
  13. Work conditions
  14. Your business including:
  15. Business public relations
  16. Business reviews and online reputation
  17. Marketing results
  18. Team performance
  19. Investments success
  20. Your leaders
  21. The laws and rules that apply to you
  22. How people speak to you
  23. What happens to the people you love
  24. What people say to you
  25. Anyone who wants to leave you or your group
  26. Anyone who you want to support you
  27. How others treat you, respect you or admire you
  28. Your future
  29. How long you will live

Circle Three: Things You Do Not Control

You control nothing in this circle. If you try, you fail. You are better off when you accept these elements as they are. See “Control, Part Four” for details.

Be willing to experience them. Let them do whatever they are going to do. Do not worry about them.

Show Circle Three Examples

Circle Three: Elements You Do Not Control

  1. Where you were born
  2. Your body height, age and the colors of your skin, hair and eyes
  3. Your history
  4. Your past choices
  5. Weather
  6. Nature (forests, solar flares, volcanos, wildlife, oceans, etc.)
  7. Natural disasters (earthquakes, meteors, floods, etc.)
  8. Time
  9. Pandemics
  10. Famine
  11. Wars
  12. World peace
  13. World suffering
  14. Who you are related to
  15. Traffic conditions
  16. Laws and rules, such as traffic rules
  17. Human rights laws
  18. Natural laws like gravity and energy
  19. Stock market
  20. Damage from air, land and water pollution
  21. World opinions
  22. Systems for law enforcement, justice, prison, military, taxes and economies
  23. Passenger transportation you use, such as trains or airplane flights
  24. The news media
  25. Most political election results
  26. Groups you do not belong in
  27. Other Countries
  28. The exact date of your death
  29. Prices of food, transportation, etc.
  30. Professional sports matches
  31. Court cases that do not involve you
  32. Strangers
  33. Celebrities
  34. Cats

Circle Four: Things That Control You

The elements in this final circle have control over you. Some of these elements are beneficial and some are destructive.

To succeed, you cut off control of negative influences and appreciate the elements that help you. See “Control, Part Five.”

Show Circle Four Examples

Circle Four: Elements That Control You

Positive

  1. Counselors, advisors, mentors
  2. Healthcare providers
  3. Performance coaches
  4. Training supervisors
  5. Employees, partners or bosses who help you
  6. Your scheduler
  7. Good government
  8. Your social, religious and other group leaders
  9. Helpful family members
  10. People who you ask to help you with bad habits, finances, emotions, etc.
  11. Law enforcement
  12. Government regulations
  13. Rules of driving
  14. Natural laws like gravity

Negative

  1. Body pain and illness
  2. Addictions to drugs, alcohol, sugar, junk food, gambling, sex, shopping, etc.
  3. Poor living and working environments
  4. Slavery
  5. Abusive, controlling spouses and family members
  6. Any compulsion such as video games, Facebook, TV, cleaning, TikTok, overeating, etc.
  7. News media
  8. Opinion leaders, politicians, celebrities and social media friends
  9. Anti-social, evil, insane or suppressive people
  10. Dangerous environments

How to Succeed with Control Circles

Once you place elements of your life in their correct Control Circles, you can create Action Plans to solve your problems.

Below are three examples.

Example #1: What do you do if you hate the weather?
  1. Complain. “I really hate cold rainy days.”
  2. Watch the weather news to hear what weather experts have to say about it.
  3. Let the weather get you down and ruin your mood.
Action Plan Using Control Circles
  1. You put “Weather” in Circle Three and accept that you can do nothing about the weather. You then consider the elements in Circle One.
  2. Circle One includes related things that you control, such as your clothing, activities and locations. You consider one or more of these actions.
    1. You dress appropriately so you are protected from cold or wet weather.
    2. You find ways to enjoy the weather, such as invigorating walks.
    3. You stay sheltered all day so you do not suffer.
    4. You take a vacation or move to a location with weather you enjoy.
  3. You take the appropriate actions.

As a result, the weather no longer bothers you. You do not care if it’s raining, hot, cold, snowing, cloudy or sunny. You take control and your negative feelings about the weather vanish!

Example #2: Help Someone Stop Smoking

Your brother has been smoking cigarettes for 40 years. He’s constantly coughing and looks like he’s heading for an early death. You decide to make him stop.

What Might You Do?
  1. Give him hints and suggestions, which he ignores.
  2. Get into an argument about it and you lose the fight.
  3. You get your mom and sister to meet with him for an intervention. You trick him to come to the family meeting where everyone pressures him to stop smoking. He lights up a smoke, laughs and leaves.
  4. Schedule a doctor appointment, but on the day of the appointment, he vanishes.
  5. You sadly admit to yourself that have no hope and you give up.
Action Plan Using Control Circles
  1. You decide to move this situation in Circle Two and just have some influence. You realize it will never be under your control, but your brother CAN control it, if he wants to.
  2. You work on your Circle One elements.
    1. You mentally grant him the right to be who he wants to be and your stress vanishes.
    2. You improve your people skills so you can be more persuasive.
    3. You research and write a stop-smoking step-by-step plan for him to consider.
  3. You work to influence your brother, not control him.
    1. You improve your relationship with your brother and make it clear you are on his side.
    2. You get his agreement to privately meet with you to discuss his health and find out why he smokes.
    3. You patiently persuade him to agree to the step-by-step plan to stop smoking.
    4. You support him when he misses a step and celebrate when he takes a step.

One month later, he stops smoking! He says the urges are gone. He gives you all the credit.

Example #3: You Feel Angry or Frustrated When People Do Not Agree with You

You are obsessed with something you feel is important.

It might be a cause (like global warming, immigration or war), a political view (right, middle, left), a religion, etc.

You believe everyone MUST agree with you, but they don’t.

What Might You Do?
  1. Spend several hours every day, on your obsession, watching, reading or listening to your favorite news media company. They grab your attention with alarming headlines. The stories stir up your passion and anger. You feel outraged!
  2. You work hard to get people to agree with the views from your news sources. You talk about it to anyone who will listen to you. You share articles, posts, tweets and email.
  3. You only like people who share your opinions. You dislike and criticize anyone who disagrees with your news media’s views.
  4. After you lose a few good friends, and waste weeks of time, you realize you have changed no one’s mind. Your anger and stress wears you down and hurts your income.

Because you allow the news media to control your time, opinions and moods, it belongs in Circle Four.

Action Plan Using Control Circles

You decide enough is enough; it’s time to reclaim your life. You take control of your time, opinions and moods which are in Circle One.

  1. Take Control of Your Time
    1. You spend less time watching, listening and reading the news.
    2. When you feel the urge to get the latest news, you watch a movie or a documentary. You soon realize that in the actual world, the latest news does not matter.
    3. You rekindle your love for books, art and music.
    4. You spend more time on beneficial activities, such as starting a business, helping your family members, taking a course, volunteering some of your time, organizing your life and getting more work done.
  2. Take Control of Your Opinions
    1. You increase your knowledge by learning what other news outlets report for the same stories. You use fact-check websites to see which versions of the story are the most accurate.
    2. You learn how the news media businesses make profit and learn how the more alarming the story is to the viewers, the more income the media company makes.
    3. You dive into the issues that matter most to you. You go to the sources and learn for yourself. You seek the truth for yourself.
    4. You discover none of the news stories include all of the facts. They all emphasize or even alter facts that line up with their favorite opinions. They invent facts and call them opinions.
    5. Based on your actual knowledge, you form your own opinions.
  3. Take Control of Your Moods
    1. Instead of watching the news, you take long walks and drives. You focus on what you see. You notice how the “important news you need to know” has nothing to do with the real world.
    2. You spend more time on beneficial activities, such as starting a business, helping your family members, volunteering some of your time, organizing your life and getting more work done.

As a result, you take control of your mood, your time and your opinions. You do more good things for people, get more accomplished and reach more goals. You feel terrific!

You can also take rational action to help the world. You raise donations, volunteer your time or start your own group. Because you make significant progress, you rarely feel angry or frustrated.

You love what you do!

Exercise

List the elements of your life in one of the four circles. (You can click the image for a larger version to print.)

  1. What do you control?
  2. What do you influence?
  3. What do you have no control over?
  4. Which elements control you?

After you complete this exercise, take action!

Become a TipsForSuccess subscriber to read the rest of this article, which includes step-by-step recommendations, examples and links some related articles: 

  • “Control” Parts One, Two, Three, Four, Five and Six
  • “How to Discover Your Power and Command of Life”
  • “How to Be Liked and Admired”