Why Life Gets Complicated

Each of these complex problems can be taken apart.

1. Working on legal or government forms, like tax returns, when the steps look confusing and the rules make no sense.
2. Fixing a broken marriage when every talk turns into a fight and nothing gets better.
3. Being stuck in a stressful job or career that feels impossible to leave.
4. Having major money problems where the bills keep growing and the situations feels scary.
5. Starting a business when the paperwork, money needs and decisions feel overwhelming.
6. Feeling unpopular, disliked or excluded from a group.
7. Trying to learn a new skill, but it seems too hard or too advanced to master.
8. Losing a job and not knowing what to do next or how to move forward.
9. Dealing with a confusing medical condition when the instructions seem confusing and you imagine the worst.
10. Dealing with difficult friends, relatives or coworkers who make you feel stressed, upset, afraid or confused.

Fortunately, you do not need a genius to solve complicated problems. You mainly need to be honest about what you will not or cannot confront.

Ask yourself, “What about this problem is difficult for me to face?” or “What can’t I confront about it?”

Then you write down your answers. The problem falls apart so you can solve it.

You feel disliked or excluded from a group. People do not seem to like you as much as they like each other. It’s painful and confusing.

So instead of giving up or blaming yourself, you sit down and ask yourself, “What about being in this group is hard for me to face?”

You write:

1. I’m afraid people simply dislike me.
2. I’m afraid I say the wrong things.
3. I’m afraid I don’t fit in.
4. I’m afraid I make things awkward.
5. I’m afraid people are judging me.

Just making this list lowers the confusion. One big, emotional problem turns into five smaller ones. You confront each of these five parts.

1. First, you confront the fear that people don’t like you.
   You find and face the facts instead of making guesses. You notice who talks to you, who responds, and when conversations go well. You see that only 20% of the people do not seem to like you, and they don’t like anyone else either. The other 80% smile and are nice to you.
2. Next, you confront your fear of saying the wrong things.
   You stop talking and start observing. You watch what people enjoy talking about and realize they like talking about themselves. So you get interested in them instead of acting interesting. You ask simple questions about them and listen to what they say. You are suddenly more popular.
3. You then face the fear of not fitting in.
   You notice that everyone in the groups are actually different. You realize you have been trying to act like someone else. You start being yourself and acting however you please.

Suddenly, the problem is gone! You are as popular as you wish to be. You move on to bigger challenges.

Let’s say you want to start a business. In your mind, it feels confusing and overwhelming.

Instead of giving up, you sit down with a sheet of paper and ask yourself, “What about starting a business is hard for me to face?”

You write:

1. I’m afraid I’ll use up my savings.
2. I’m afraid to ask for a loan.
3. I’m afraid to sign a lease I won’t need.
4. I’m afraid I’ll hire a bad employee.
5. My advertising ideas might make me look stupid.

Just making this list lowers the confusion. One big, foggy problem turns into smaller ones.

Now you take them one at a time.

1. First, the fear of using savings.
   You write down real numbers: how much money you have, how much you need to start, and monthly costs. You talk to small business owners and look for low-cost ways to begin. The fear turns into a simple money plan.
2. Next, the fear of asking for a loan.
   You write down what scares you, then practice explaining the idea on one page. You visit a bank or meet with an investor/partner just to ask questions. Asking for a loan becomes a clear process, not a mystery.
3. Then, the fear of signing a lease.
   You learn before deciding. You ask other owners how they chose a space, look at short-term options, and read a sample lease until it makes sense. The fear drops as understanding grows.
4. Next, the fear of hiring.
   You define what a good employee looks like and start small by hiring one part-time person. Managing people becomes a skill you learn, not something to fear.
5. Finally, the fear of advertising.
   You start with small, simple ads. You test ideas, ask for feedback, and copy what already works. Advertising becomes testing, not embarrassment.

After this, something changes.

The business still takes work, but it no longer feels like a complex jungle.

The “complicated” problem is now a set of simple steps you can follow.

L. Ron Hubbard discovered hundreds of methods to increase your ability to face life. Below are 10 methods you can use right now.

Do not try to use all 10 at once. Pick one method that fits the problem and feels easiest to use. Give it a try with a complicated part of the bigger problem. If it works, use it again. If it doesn’t work, try another.

1. Carefully look and observe the situation exactly as it is in present time. Just face it yourself.

For example, you get a new government form and it immediately seems horrible and confusing because your friend told you it was. But then you actually look for yourself, and realize it’s quite easy.

2. Increase your knowledge. Find out what you do not know and learn the facts. Ask every question you can think of.

For example, your credit card debt keeps growing even though you make the monthly payments. You spend an hour learning how credit cards work and realize how bad they are for your financial goals. You work out a plan to pay them off within a year.

3. Look up all the words you may not understand about the subject.

For example, your uncle says, “You’re pretty woke, right?” Wanting to fit in, you nod your head even though you are not sure what he means. Later, conversations with your uncle feel tense and confusing. You look up the word “woke” and learn it can be used as either a compliment or an insult. Now you understand what he meant, and your relationship with your uncle becomes simple again.

4. Keep trying. Just attempting to confront something whittles it down each time you try.

For example, you try to fix your bad marriage a little bit each day. It gets easier and easier to face each disagreement and conflict. Soon, you have more agreement and love for each other.

5. Watch someone who already does it well, either in person or on YouTube.

For example, your dad has a medical problem that confuses and scares you. You listen to people who had the same problem and learn how they succeeded. As a result, you reduce your fear and you research the condition to truly understand it.

6. Practice the skill.

For example, playing the guitar is confusing and difficult until you practice one song over and over. You eventually master this single song and enjoy playing it. You have no more confusion about playing the guitar.

7. Instead of thinking and planning, take one single action step. The first step is usually the hardest.

Examples: Put your foot on the ladder. Pick up the confusing form. Start a class. Put $5.00 in your new savings account. You feel a little pride with each single step which motivates you to confront more of the problems.

8. Gradually increase the challenge.

For example, you are afraid to speak in meetings. First, you listen without speaking. Next, you make one short comment. Later, you share an idea. Each step feels easier than the last.

9. If the single part feels too complicated or difficult, break it down into ITS parts until they are small enough to face and handle.

For example, you want to fix a complicated relationship. You break it down into 4 parts: listening, apologizing, finding agreements and improving communication.

But each one seems complicated so you break down the first part: listening. You break IT down into 4 parts: decide to be more patient, think of a few good questions to ask, arrange for an opportunity to listen and gently open the door to an encounter.

You can do these four easier parts. As a result, you enjoy your first improvement in the relationship.

10. Build on your wins. As soon as you make a bit of progress, pat yourself on the back! You are on your way to a big win. Repeat whatever works for you wherever you can.

For example, selling a new product is very complex, so you break it down and realize you have to make phone calls. You try and fail again and again. Finally, one person takes your call and agrees to exchange emails with you. A good, solid tiny win!

You use that success to make more calls to agreements to exchange emails. Soon, the confusion disappears as you sell lots of products with email.