The Power to Make People Happy
If you think about it, all your success depends on other people. People can give you opportunities, money, contracts, praise, support, help and advice. They can recommend you to other people who also give you what you need.
People can also stop your success. They can criticize you, oppose you and close down your progress. Even if they do not actively oppose you, they can avoid you, hide your options or simply do nothing for you.
“If a person thinks he can be happy without making those around him happy, he’s crazy.” — L. Ron Hubbard
When you make others happy, you own an important people skill. As a result, people want to help you. Making people happy also makes you feel great!
Even though mastering this skill is a challenge, you can do it if you persist.
Should You Try to Change People?
Everyone has an identity. It’s what they want to be. You can call it their “beingness.”
Trying to make people change their beingness is a common activity. For example, a 10-year-old girl’s parents are worried that she loves motorcycles. They are afraid she’ll grow up and join a motorcycle gang. So they make her wear dresses and play with dolls. They forbid her from being around motorcycles. A happy girl becomes unhappy.
As another example, Fred is a computer geek. He likes to wear goofy clothes and tell silly jokes. Fred goes to a college where the popular students criticize him. “Fred, your jokes are so dumb I want to gag.” “Fred asked me out to dinner once and I laughed at him.” “Check out Fred’s striped pants! What an idiot!”
Married people often try to change each other’s beingness as well. “Jill, I wish you were not so talkative. You’re on the phone all day.” “Jack, you lazy bum. I wish you were more energetic so you would take me out dancing!” Jack and Jill’s marriage is not happy.
How do you feel when someone tries to change your beingness? Perhaps you feel resentful. You might even want to attack the person. You certainly do not feel happier.
“The ability to assume or grant (give, allow) beingness is probably the highest of human virtues*. It is even more important to be able to permit (allow) other people to have beingness than to be able oneself to assume it.” — L. Ron Hubbard from The Fundamentals of Thought (virtue: good or desirable quality)
As you may know, you must “be” before “doing” or “having.” For example, before “having” a good marriage, you must first “be” a good husband or wife. You can then “do” the things necessary to then “have” a great marriage.
Per the above quote, a skill more important than assuming your own beingness is permitting others to be whatever they want to be.
For example, you need to let Fred the computer geek be exactly what he wants to be. You grant him beingness. You say to yourself, “It’s completely okay with me for Fred to wear odd clothing and make bad jokes.” You then realize Fred is actually a good person. You laugh at his jokes. You admire his purple ties. You become friends. A few years later, you get an executive job at his new billion-dollar company.
Granting beingness to marriage partners can seem very difficult, but anyone can do it. “Jack, if you want to lie on the couch and watch TV for hours each night, that’s totally okay with me.” “Jill, you can go shopping with your friends every day if you like.” Because you sincerely grant beingness to your spouse, you are both much happier.
For parents, ensuring their children are happy is a high priority. Granting beingness is essential to this happiness. For example, on Monday, little Joey wants to be a fireman. His mom says, “You’ll be a great fireman!” On Tuesday, Joey wants to be a basketball star. “I think you’ll be a wonderful basketball star!”
Or as a teenager, he wants to be a champion e-gamer or YouTube influencer. If his parents are smart, they grant him this beingness.
Later in life, Joey’s mother still grants him beingness. “So you want to quit college to work for a rock band? You’ll be setting up the stage? Well, I think you’ll be the best stage manager they’ve ever hired!”
What if Joey’s mother had not granted him beingness. “Joey, that’s the stupidest decision you’ve ever made! You must quit this job and go back to college.” Of course, Joey can’t admit he is wrong about his decision and so sets up stages for rock bands for the next 25 years.
Change the World
Imagine how the world would be if everyone granted beingness to everyone else.
Career choices would come from the heart. You and everyone around you could map out your own lives. You could be whomever you wanted to be.
No more discrimination because of the color of your skin. Women would be treated as fairly in business as men. Everyone could join whatever religion they preferred.
Governments would get more accomplished as they allow each other to be who they wanted to be. No more wars as each country would grant beingness to the others. After all, you cannot be an enemy with someone who grants you beingness, nor can they be your enemies when you grant them beingness.
Such a world is possible. It starts with you granting beingness to everyone you know. It leads to massive happiness.
1. Grant beingness to everyone you meet today. Let them be whoever they want to be. Make no attempt to change their beingness.
2. Grant beingness to someone you already like. Notice what happens to your feelings and your relationship with this person.
3. If someone irritates you, grant him or her beingness. For example, if another driver on the road makes you mad, grant him beingness. If someone appears odd or ugly to you, grant this person beingness.
4. If you hate someone, grant him or her beingness. You can do this right now, without even seeing the person. It may not be easy, but the rewards can be interesting, if not amazing.
5. Watch how others respond to you when you grant them beingness. You may discover you have the power to make anyone happy.
How you treat people in other ways can also make them happy and earn their valuable support. Read “Your Supporters” at tipsforsuccess.org/supporters.