ARC: The Most Powerful People Skill Ever Discovered
ARC (Affinity, Reality, Communication) is covered in eight TipsForSuccess articles:
Part One: What is ARC? (this article)
Part Two: How to Repair Upsets
Part Three: How to Form New Relationships
Part Four: How to Use ARC for Sales and Negotiations
Part Five: Use ARC to Win at Work
Part Six: How ARC Saves and Improves Marriages
Part Eight: ARC for Yourself
Coming soon…
Part Seven: How ARC Makes You a Better Boss
Part One: What is ARC?
“The ARC Triangle is the keystone of living associations.” — L. Ron Hubbard
Every relationship you are in or want includes three parts:
1. Affinity: how much you like or love a person
2. Reality: how much agreement you have with a person; what you agree to be real
3. Communication: your exchange of information and ideas
These three parts interact with each other and join as a triangle.
Why is this people skill so valuable?
The Purdue University Study
Purdue University did a study to determine why some of their graduates succeeded and others did not. After several years of analyzing the success of their students, Purdue came to the following conclusions:
“The average salary of the students with the highest grades was only slightly higher than the average salary of all the graduates. The salaries of the most popular students, the ones with the good personalities, were much higher than the average of all students. Their salaries were much higher than the students with the highest grades.”
A popular personality is based on ARC. When you have good ARC with people, they understand you, believe in you, trust you, help you and feel good about you. ARC is such a powerful tool that the simple lack of ARC results in upsets, distrust, hatred, lawsuits, attacks and wars.
How to Understand and Be Understood
“Understanding is composed of affinity, reality and communication.” — L. Ron Hubbard
By mastering the ARC Triangle, you can truly understand your spouse, children, boss, coworkers, employees, customers, clients, neighbors and friends. You can help them, talk to them, reach more agreements and enjoy their company more than ever before.
Their understanding of YOU also increases. They can better understand your views, your needs and your wants.
This explains why you and some people understand each other better than other people. You have more ARC!
For example, you have high ARC with a coworker or colleague if you like the person (Affinity), can talk about many subjects (Communication) and agree on many subjects (Reality).
When you and another person really understand each other, your life improves in many ways. When you can create and increase this level of understanding, you succeed in every way imaginable.
How to Form and Increase ARC with Anyone
“The triangle of affinity, reality and communication could be called an interactive triangle in that no point of it can be raised without affecting the other two points and raising them, and no point of it can be lowered without affecting the other two points.” — L. Ron Hubbard
You simply decide which point of the triangle you can increase, and the other two points automatically rise.
For example, you meet a new fellow at work named Richard and instantly dislike him. Maybe his attitude or appearance rubs you the wrong way. You really don’t want to communicate with him (C) or to agree with him (R). There is little or no understanding.
However, you have to change your mind. You need to understand Richard so you can work with him. So you ask yourself, “Which of the three points can I raise?” You decide to work on the C part of the triangle and just start talking to him.
“Where did you work before?”
“How long have you lived in this area?”
“Do you have any kids?”
As a result of your communication, you find out he has three kids, about the same age as your kids. You share a reality here and so you chat about children. You find yourself agreeing with Richard (R). Within a few minutes, you realize you like Richard (A). You start to understand each other. Within a few minutes, your entire view of Richard changes and you look forward to working with him.
As another example, you want a better relationship with Stella. Stella could be your boss, an important client, a potential mate or a valuable contact. You currently know little about Stella, but have scheduled to meet with her for lunch.
During lunch, you notice Stella is not talking. She rarely looks at you and barely smiles. You realize your Communication point of the triangle is not very good with Stella. The Affinity point is also weak as she does not seem to like you very much. So you decide to raise the Reality point of the triangle. You look for things to agree on.
“So Stella, how do you relax after work?”
“What kind of exercise do you like?”
“Do you have a vacation coming up?”
Stella mentions she loves sailboats and you happen to be a sailboat fanatic. Because of this shared Reality point of the triangle, you and Stella suddenly have a lot to talk about. After several minutes of sailboat chat, you notice she is smiling at you and you feel a higher level of Affinity for her.
As a final example, you want a better relationship with your spouse, Pat. You have not been talking as much lately and seem to disagree more often than before. You decide to increase the Affinity point of the triangle in your marriage. You take a minute to think of all the things you like about Pat.
“I like how Pat smiles at me every time I walk in the door.”
“I like Pat’s delicious soups.”
“Pat always has something good to say about my obnoxious parents.”
After a few minutes, your mood improves and you look forward to going home.
When you get home, you give Pat a big smile, a hug and a kiss. At first, Pat is a little shocked, but soon starts to return the affection and your Affinity point rises. You talk about your day’s events (C) and agree (R) on your plans for the evening. Your ARC Triangle is higher than it has been for a while.
This is the power of ARC. With this knowledge, you can create a wonderful relationship with anyone.
Recommendations
1. Write down something you want. Anything at all.
Do not limit yourself to money or physical objects, but consider new opportunities, powerful contacts, friendships, deals, or projects you want to do.
2. List the names of those who can help you get it.
3. Work out which point of the triangle you can increase with each person: Affinity, Reality or Communication. Include how you will do it.
Examples:
“Increase Reality with Jill. Agree with her new ideas and she will support my project steps.”
“More Communication with Robert. Ask him about his future in the group.”
“More Affinity with Jose. Let him know how much I like his work.”
4. Increase that one point with each person until the other two points of the triangle increase.
5. Continue to increase your ARC Triangle with each person until you reach your objective.
Read “ARC, Part Two: How to Repair Upsets.”
Learn more about this powerful tool by watching the video below.
